last April (2010)

There’s a silent joy to be had when being alone, being with the one person who matters the most, the one person who knows you best inside and out and never stops to judge. There’s a silent joy in knowing the one who needs your love the most, is the one who is also giving you all of their love, at once, unconditionally and timelessly, effortlessly.

We all need to learn to let life’s little “messes” go and simply move on, wiser and full of more beauty as a result.

I have all this love to give to the world, but right now I’m keeping it all to myself.

I need this time for me. It’s time that I took care of me by just being me, by discovering who I am through my own intentions and not by exploring myself through my relations with others. Taking care of me means taking care of me without allowing the influence of others, especially those that aren’t going to help me discover me. I want to be able to take my five minutes to myself and only be thinking about me, not reflecting upon the day ahead of me or the day behind me, the relationships that were, the relationships that are or the relationships that will be me. Just me, all me. Imagining grad school and the possibility of a job where I call the shots. I make the big decisions. I dream of a day when I can be happy just being me. A day where I love me unconditionally and not because I have to, but because I want to be, because I find myself to be a fascinating, worthwhile individual with a head planted firmly upon broad and sturdy shoulders and a powerfully strong heart, fully intact. Perhaps my head will still be in the clouds and my heart still on my sleeve, but I’ll be all the wiser and a bit more hesitant. I’ll have a better sense as to whom my heart belongs to and whom it does not.

Simplicity in our lives and serenity in our hearts

I will have that simple life one day and I will know peace in my heart. I will love the person that is, the one always there for me, always within, waiting for me to acknowledge her again, love her again.

Current Mantra

Here is my current mantra. It's probably in most peoples' eyes pretty depressing. I find it to be the healthy dose of realism that is necessary in my life at this point in time. Here goes:

Life is a series of moments. No one moment more significant than any other. You can only hope for the good ones to happen again and pray for the bad ones to never happen again.

I mostly repeat this aloud to myself when I'm frustrated or having a "bad day." It's never really been used in times of happiness, and thus why it appears to be the most depressing mantra in my history or mantras (see first post).

In these times my family and friends are my livelihood and I am never, ever going to let another person convince me that I have to do something just because they think it's best for me. I will move out for me. I will find a job for me. I will not do either because I am being pushed into it or rushed into because I'm 25 and blah, blah, blah. It's time for me to take care of me. My family and true friends support me even if you never could.

3 Things TO DO Everyday

I'm starting to feel like an advice bloggist, more than an entertainment blogger. I'm filling my saved posts with stories and humorous accounts. Wait til I tell you about the time I... But, giving you this.

I've always been one of those over the top organized people with an agenda, to do list and the like. I believe it was sometime in college that I stopped being so anal and ocd about cleanliness and my space. Not to say that I don't still arrange things so that they are, in my eyes, perfect. Let's just say I've gotten a lot better in the past few years. I do, however, continue to write out to do lists for the week and the day, and like my mother often feel daunted by my list and like a failure when at the end of the day, not everything has been crossed off. The solution has been found.

Obviously we should all be happy with what we are able to achieve everyday and not focus on those things we were not able to do that day or week. Focus on the positive, not the negative, the finished projects and not the ones that still need to be done.

Here are my thoughts.

3 Things TO DO Everyday

1. Something you absolutely have to do.

This could be an appointment, finishing a project for work, paying a bill. It is something that absolutely has to be done that day.

2. Something that makes your life easier, removes some stress or clutter from your life.

This could be cleaning out a kitchen drawer, mailing a package that has been sitting in your house, donating some old clothes, etc. It is something that will give you some more space and/or time in your life.

And 3 This one is my favorite

Do something nice for someone else.

This could be mailing a good friend a card, calling a friend or family member, buying someone a birthday or just thought of you gift. It is something that will make someone happy and feel appreciated.

Here's what I did yesterday

1. Doctor's appointment

2. Cleaned out a couple of boxes of my stuff that I moved home

3. Took Bella for a swim

Now you try. :0)

Somerville Sunday

In my brief time living in Somerville and working in Jamaica Plain, I have come to establish a sense of being I was unable to achieve living with my parents in Middleboro. When people ask me what I want to do with my life I still say that I want to make a difference, that I want to be doing whatever I can for others, making other peoples' lives easier, better, etc. I also tell people that all I really want in life is to be happy. Surprisingly enough, these two objectives are strongly intertwined with one another. As a citizen of this world and a citizen of the United States of America, I have always felt a strong sense/desire to help others, to put others before myself. By doing so I ultimately achieve my desired happiness. I am happiest when I am helping other people, when I am doing something outside and above myself. I like to think that most of my friends and family find me to be a good listener and someone they can talk to about anything. I'm not the type to tell people what to do. I only listen and never try to convince anyone to not feel the way they do or how they feel is wrong. I offer the best advice I can, the advice I, like so many others, never take.

Anyway, as result of my time "on my own," I have achieved a better sense of me and what it is I want to give this world/what I have to offer, and more importantly, for me, what this world can give me, what it can offer me, someone who never thinks about herself or her own happiness.

In the past three months I have finally been able to decipher my life mantras. They are as follows,

Nothing lasts.

Therefore, we need to appreciate the time we have with the ones we love. Simple enough.

Never settle for "fine."

Fine is a word that can kill. If your response to questions such as "How are you?" or "How are things with you?" is fine, then you are not living. You are just going through the motions. You deserve to be more than fine. Fine, again is a word, an emotion that kills. Better to be horrible or wonderful, emotions above or below fine, than to be just fine. You're not feeling anything if you're just feeling fine.

Live to Love and Laugh a lot, and that's all you'll need.

This one needs no explanation and yes, it's from a Kenny Chesney song. :0)

What people think of you is none of your business.

This one has been the hardest for me to come to terms with, due to recent changes to relationships in my life. Basically, we all need to realize that what others think of us is none of our business. It is best to focus on ourselves and how we view ourselves. At the end of the day you only have yourself to answer to. On the flip side, what you think of others is none of their business.

Act the way you want to feel.

Yep, it's as simple as it sounds. If you want to be/feel happy than act as if you're happy. You have more control over your emotions than you think. And you absolutely have control over your actions and words!

Everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.

Now, I would never advocate telling someone, especially a child that they shouldn't be upset with their own small problems, when there are people starving in foreign countries. That is not what I mean by this mantra. What I do mean, is that you should be grateful for what you have. You should also never judge someone, even if you think you know them. You never completely know someone and therefore, you should never assume to know what their life is like. Everyone is allowed to have a bad day. Everyone is allowed to feel fat, ugly, etc every now and then. Stop feeling as if you are the only person allowed to have a bad day or the only person with problems. We all have our own battles to deal with each day and maybe sometimes we need to understand the actual scope of our own.

Send light and love to them every day and then, drop it!

Another tough one for me. Too often I dwell in the past. It's okay to do this for a few seconds or even a few minutes but after that you just need to let it go. This goes for memories of actions, just as much as it does for memories of people. If you find yourself thinking about someone or something go ahead and have a moment with the past. Afterwards though, drop it, just let it go. You can't change the past, but you have total control over the here and now. Send him or her, the incident, etc. some light and love and then move on! It's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.

The days are long, but the years are short.

Most of our days are full from start to finish. A day can feel like forever, like it is never going to end, but they all do and then we're only left with the memories. Don't let yours be of meeting, after meeting or other mundane office tasks. Let yours be of moments making a difference at your job, doing the best you can and also spending time with friends and other loved ones. Don't let your days only be about work. Live your days. Don't just do them on autopilot. Because when it comes down to it, the days may be long, but the years are short. Don't let your life fly by with you being a passive participant.

Get excited! It's the little things.

Treat life with the wonder little children often do. Enjoy everything about life.

And

Always cross to the sunny side of the road.

I saved the best, happiest and simplest mantra for last.

Thank you for making it this far with me. :0)